The Cat Meeting
by Cheetahstar
Summary: On a boring afternoon, the authoress decided that she would make a little experiment with some cats from certain books...
1. Sharpclaw gets chased

**Declaimer: I don't own Warriors, Inheritence Cycle, Lord of the Rings or Twilight. I do own the Random and not important cat, myself as authoress and the story.**

One day, at 2:30 pm if you want to know, the authoress was looking for a excuse to evoid doing homework so she come with the idea to write something so she magically appeared a random forest in a random land in a random country in a ran-

**"Come on, we already know that it is random!"**- said a random, and not important, cat that magically appered in existance.

The authoress didn't like the cat so she pushed it of a cliff that magically appeared. Anyway, while the authoress looked at how many times she wrote random and magically she remembered that other people were reading and expecting something interesting to happen so she decided to make some characters appear.

"What the-" - said a flame colored tom that, if you want to know is called Firestar, magically( I know that I use "magically too much but I don't care!) come into existance.

At the same moment, a black cloud formed and when it touched the ground the authoress grabbed a megaphone that suddendly appered in her hand.

_**"Ladies and gentleman, I present you the only one, the demonic-looking one, the one that looks like he was hit by a thunderbolt, the-"**_

**"Come on, say it already!"**- said the random and not important cat that magically survived falling from the cliff so the authoress grabbed it and teletransported to the peak of a volcano to throw "him" inside and she realized that she wanted the random and not important cat to be a "he". Anyway, the authoress teletransported back to the random forest to continue the storie.

_**"Ladies and gentleman, blah, blah, blah, ... The only one, Solembum!**_

A demonic-looking cat emerged from the dark cloud and looked confused. So he decided that he will talk to the flame colored tom to know where he was. At that moment, a dark ginger tom appered of no were and his name was Sharpclaw, if you want to know.

Sharpclaw though that it was the perfect time to ask everything that came to his mind-"Firestar?!, Where are we? Where's Skyclan? I'm I death? Who are you? Are you from the Dark Forest? Are we on Starclan? Where is my cookie? What happens if I touch your fur? Why are your eyes red? Who's her? Does I ask too much questions? Do you have chocolate? Did Scourge kill Tigerstar? Why do you talk in third person? How-"

In that moment, the authoress decided to erase Sharpclaw's mouth so the stupid furball would remain quiet. As she did so, a white she-cat( as the cats that weren't Solembum called her) emerged from the bushes. Her eyes were, were, lets say that they were cristal blue, and her tail was loooong.

"Hello there, I'm Shadowhunter and I'm not well remembered because I appear in just half chapter while my mate appears in practicaly all the book so nobody knows me well and I'm happy to say something because in the book I only flicked my tail and sleeped in the lap of the dragon-smelling-elf-looking-boy, called Eragon by the way, so who are you?"

The cats, except Solembum, were still procesing all the words she just said so they couldn't respond. Solembum darted to the she-cat** ( now I will call her were-cat)** screaming "MOM!". He almost tackled the sh- sorry, sorry, were-cat and started purring.

_**"Well that was sweet!"**_- said the authoress when she finished erasing Sharpclaw's mouth.

"Who are you?"- said Firestar still looking at the beautiful were-cat.

"Humhum huph puf!"- said Sharpclaw also looking at the were-cat.

**"Why did you bring a were-cat?! Come on, they are not exactly cats!"**- said the random and not important cat that matically survived the volcano.

_**"You know what? I am already sick of you!"**_- said the mighty authoress as she grabbed the cat again and teletransported to Middle Earth. When they arrived, the authoress threw the annoying cat to a group of Orks and shouted _**"Dinner"**_. With that she returned to her random forest where the cats were fighting each other.

_**"What happend!"**_- said the authoress.

"He stole my cookie!"- said Solembum hissing at Firestar.

"It was MY cookie first!"- said the annoying Firestar crying like a baby, or a kit?

_**"Okey, okey, I don't care about that stupid cookie! Now pay atention or you will get eaten by Orks as the random and not important cat!"**_

"Okey..."- said Solembum, Firestar and Shadowhunter.

"Huf puf tuf humfuf"- said Sharpclaw.

**_"Well, if you don't know already, I'm the Mighty Authoress and you are part of my experiment called "cat meeting". I have bring you here from your respective books because I need an excuse for not doing my homework and for giving my imagination a little entertaiment."_**

"Well I think this is a waste of my time because I need to return to my clan to look important and command my minions-er- clanmates to conquer the forest! And if anyone wants to be against me, I will send sweet Sandstorm to get their fur off because I can't broke my claws! I'm just so important to die!"- said Firestar as he continued crying.**(Sorry, is not that I hate Firestar but I really wanted him to say something like that)**

"Well I think it's recreative"- said Solembum with an smile on his lips.

"It is not!"

"It is!"

"It is not!"

"It is!"

"It is not!"

"It is!"

"I love Shadowhunter!"- said Sharpclaw that magically had his mouth again.

All of the cats looked at him and he flattened his ears against his head in embarrasment.

"You love moma?"- said Solembum confused.

"You shouldn't have said that"- said Shadowhunter mysteriously.

_"Damn you Sharpclaw! Why did you needed to said that before me!?"_- Firestar though while looking at the embarrased furball.

Suddendly, there was a yowl in the bushes and an angry Grimrr Halfpaw dashed to Sharpclaw.

"She is mine, you understand! MINE!"- he said as he tied to catch Sharpclaw that runned out of the scene.

"That is my mate! Go Halfpaw!- said Shadowhunter with pride on her eyes." I told you Sharpclaw! You shoudn't have said that!"

"Yeaaaaah, right, well the random and not important cat said you were a wer-wer...were-cat?"- Firestar said.

Solembum and Shadowhunter nodded.

"What is that?'

"Well, have you seen the Twilight movies?"- asked Solembum.

"Oh, please don't remember me that movies. Squirrelflight obliged me to take her to all of them"

"Well, we are kinda like the were-wolves but we transform in cats. Look"- said Shadowhunter as she transformed into a young women with pointed teeth and then back into a cat.

"That is amazing!"- said Firestar wide-eyed.

"Yeah, is pretty usefull"

In that moment, Sharpclaw and Halfpaw returned from running somewhere and started to gasp for air. Then Halfpaw scratched his ear and yawned.

"You are Shadowhunter's mate?"- said Firestar

"Yeah, and I'm also the king of the cats and were-cats"

"I'm leader of a clan of warrior cats"

"I can see the future sometimes"

"I have nine lives"

"I have a dragon friend"

"I fought a fox"

"I killed an urgal"

"I have a mate and a lover but don't tell Sandstorm about Spottedleaf"

"I have a dagger"

So they continued their I-am-better-than-you talk while the other cats talked about where they came.

The authoress watched her experiment as they continued talking. Suddendly, a figure appeared in the horizon. It was the random and not important cat! He survived!

_**"Run!"**_- she yelled at the cats.

All of them runned for dear life until they reached another clearing.

_**"Well, the experiment was a succes and now you may return to your books. Say goodbye to the readers!"**_

"Goodbye!"- said the cats as the authoress moved her hands in a silly way and made them return to their books.

She saw the random and not important cat approaching and dissapeared in random appearing mist.

**"Where are you! I will find you!"**- said the random and not important cat as he jumped from the screen and chased the authoress all over her room.

The End

_**So, do you like it? What do you think? Please review.**_

**Random and not important cat: Who will like to review this? It is awfull!**

_**Shut up!**_


	2. Why don't you give cats chocolate

_**Soooo... Here is chapter 2!**_

**Random and not important cat: Who cares? This is stupid**

_**I alredy told you to Shut Up!**_

_**Declaimer: I don't own Inheritence Cycle, Warriors, Starwars, Lord of the Rings, The Barbie girl song, Candyland or Harry Potter. I do own the story, the random and not important cat and myself as authoress. The giant sleeping cat was a work from FreakyTiger and mine.**_

_**Warning: There is some... Hummm... Lets call it romance in this chapter and also some cat fight and not the battles of the warriors if you understand me. Read at your own risk!**_

_**Wish you a good day, **_

_**The Authoress**_

The Mighty Authoress was sitting in front of the screen thinking of something to do. Suddendly, she remembered that she let the random forest deserted so she decided to make some characters appear again.

"And that is how you climb a tree- what is happening?!"- said a pale ginger she-cat that suddendly materialized in the forest. Oh, right, her name is Sandstorm.

Some seconds later there was a "Pooff" and a white furry were-cat appeared in a magicall cloud of smoke."Where am I"- she thought.

"Who are you?"- said Sandstorm looking at the she-cat, were-cat, cat?

"They know me with many names"- the white she-cat, were-cat, cat responded.

"How do they call you? And who are "they"?- said Sandstorm irritated.

"They call me "The Watcher", "Quickpaw" or "The Dream Dancer" but you can call me Maud. "They" are the Elves with who I live"- said the she-ca- Oh well, you understand.

"What kind of name is that!? And what in Starclan is an Elve?!"- said Sandstorm... Irritated is not the word, frustrated maybe?

Before Maud could respond to the angry furball(like if that was new), a-

**"Come on! This sooooo boring, this story is horrible"**- said the random and not important cat that magically appered.

_**"You shut up! I don't want to hear your annoying voice!"**_- said the authoress as she grabbed the cat and threw it to a river that magically appeared.

Well, were was I? Oh, yeah so Maud blah, blah, a light ray appeared and iluminated the random forest.

**_"Ladies and gentleman_****( didn't I said that already?)****_, I present you the only_****_ one, the one that looks always angry, the one that look like if he got his face hit with a window, the unic one... Crookshanks_**_!_

A big, orange cat appeared from the light. The she-cat and the were-cat were still shocked because of the sudden light and they didin't notice that the tom approached them.

"Hello, my name is Crookshanks and I'm the pet cat of a wizard named Hermione. I never talk in the books and I appear just a little bit on each one except on the third when I discovered a rat called Scabbers that was some sort of form-changing-wizard. Sooo, who are you?"

"A kittypet!"- said Sandstorm indignated.-"I cant talk to kittypet! They are just lazzy and fluffy mouse-brained furballs!"

"What is a kittypet?"- said Crookshanks and Maud.

"A twoleg pet. They only eat some sort of brown circles that doesn't taste good, they never run free, they sleep in houses, they are fat, lazzy excuses of cats, they never hunt and they can't fight! They are just there to follow their Twoleg's instructions and they don't understand the meaning of the Warrior Code!"

"Warrior Code?"- said Maud confused.

"How can I make a kittypet understand? Their brain is just so little that they won't even understand how to hunt!"- said Sandstorm coldly.

"You are going to far, young one"- hissed Maud-" I could beat you with one move of my paw"

"Is that a challenge?"- said Sandstorm snarling.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe YOUR brain is too small to understand the obvious!"- said Maud unsheating her claws.

**_"Hey you both are stupid cats!"_**- said the authoress grabbing the two females eith each hand.-**_"You are going to wake up the giant sleeping cat!"_**

"The what?"- said Crookshanks confused.

_**"The giant sleeping cat. The thing is that my friend FreakyTiger asked me to do something in this chapter to torture one of you but I won't tell who, so I created the giant sleeping cat"**_

With a sonorus "Thud" a giant sleeping ginger cat with tiger stripes and crazy sunglasess fell from the sky and started snoring.

_**"See what I told you?"**_

The three cats remainded silent.

An scream broke the silence and the characters from the first chapter suddendly emerged from a hole in the ground that magically appeared.

"Ouch..."- sounded the voice of Sharpclaw somewhere in the pile of cats that was in the middle of the forest, crushing him.

"Firestar?!"- said Sandstorm tackling Firestar that was in the top of the pile and making him fall and hit the forest ground hard.

"Sandstorm *cough* I can't *cough* breath!"- said the cushed leader under the body of his mate that was sitted on top of his lungs.

"Oh, sorry"

"Solembum!"- said Maud as she tried to free Solembum from the pile.

**"A pile of cats?! You really needed to bring the cats from the first chapter? Did your options got killed by a car?"**- said the random and not important cat that incredibly survived drowing in the river.

_**"Options don't get killed by cars! Our budget was low... But I though you were death!"**_

**"I'm inmortal!"**- said the random and not important cat with pride.

_**"We will see that!"**_- said the authoress as she grabbed the random and not important cat again and teletransported to Alagaësia. When they arrived she entered to Galbatorix castle in Urû´baen. A fool soldier tried to stop her but she vanished him to an alternative universe by mobing her hands on a sily way, again. Galbatorix wasn't home but Shruikan was there so she threw the cat to Shruikan and said.

_**"Your dragon magesty, this stupid cat said that you were and overgrown lizard with cardboard wings, that you look as if you spilled an inkwell over your scales and that your breath smells like the feet of a dwarf"**_

And with that, Shruikan let a mighty roar and the authoress teleported back to her forest.

"I want it back!"- said an angry Solembum.

"But is mine!"- said a crying Firestar.

_**"What happened?"**_- said the authoress.

"He won't give my cookie back!"- said Solembum.

_**"Didn't we had this discussion already?"**_

"Yes but this time is different!"- said Solembum indignated.

"What is different?!"-said the authoress lossing her patience.

"It was a chocolate cookie!"- said Solembum with a puppy, or kitty?, face.

_**"Look, as I said before, I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID COOKIE!"**_

"But...!"- said Firestar crying.

_**"Shut Up!"**_

Meanwhile, Sandstorm and Shadowhunter were on a discussion.

"My fur is perfectly white, yours is dirty brown"- said Shadowhunter.

"My fur is dirty! Look at your teeth! They are yellow!"- said Sandstorm indignated.

"My teeth yellow! If mine are yellow, yours are black!"- replied Shadowhunter.

"At least I have a mate that would never betray me!"- said Sandstorm.

"Oh really! And why when he first came he only saw me and never mentioned you?! Even Sharpclaw fell for my charms!"- said Shadowhunter.

"And I got chased by her mate later"- Sharpclaw muttered

"And loyal? Halfpaw is loyal! He would never leave me not like your mate that has a secret romance with that so called Spottedleaf!- added Shadowhunter.

"What did you say?!"- said Sandstorm shocked.-"Firestar! I though you had forgotten Spotredleaf!

"Sandstorm, swetty, I-I-I don't love her anymore!"- said Firestar timidly

"You don't love me?!"- said a shiny Spottedleaf that came from Starclan.

"Spottedleaf, I-"

"Shut up!"- said the angry she-cats.

"Sandstorm, I think it is time to forget our differences and teach the so called hero right here a lesson!"- said the angry, shiny Spottedleaf grinning.

"For once in my live, Spottedleaf, I think you are right"

"I-I-I..."- tried to say Firestar,

"I sugest you to run"- whispered Grimrr Halfpaw to the scared leader.

"Aaaaaaaa!"- screamed Firestar as he runned for dear life with two angry she-cats at his heels.

Meanwhile, Grimrr Halfpaw obseved his stepson flirting with the white were-cat called Maud. He reminded him when he was younger.

_**"Well, we have three missing characters"**_- said the authoress.-_**"And possibly more if Solembum don't stop flirting with Maud!"**_

"Oh, what? Sorry..."- said Solembum embarrased.

_**"Well cats, you stay here while I will go to look if Firestar is right. Our insurance does not cover badly injured cats..."**_

When the mighty authoress was gone, Crookshanks, that decided that this was a perfect moment to talk, said "Who wants chocolate?!"

"ME!" - screamed all the cats so he reparted chocolote with 40% more sugar.

Giving chocolate to hiperactive cats is a really bad idea so you can imagine what comes later...

But first, Commercials!

"Is a tuna, is a sandwich, is a tuna, is a sandwich, is a... tuna sandwich!"

Returning to the story...

The authoress returned with a trembling Firestar and a proud Sandstorm and Spottedleaf. When she reached the forest clearing were she left her cats, she discovered... TOTAL DEVASTATION!

Halpaw was unconsious on the top of a tree, Maud and Solembum were dancing in circles, Crookshanks was screaming something that sounded as "dancing on the moon, yeaaaaahhhhhhh, candy land, candy land!, I can flyyyyy, I'm a bird, I'm a bird!", Sharpclaw had a water gun and was shooting everyone with it while screaming "I'm in Starwars!" and Shadowhunter was singing "lollipops, chocolates, waffles,ohhhhh, I want them all..."

_**"For Starclan, the Valar, You-Know-Who, Dragons and the Force, what happened!"**_

"Crookshanks gave us delicious, delicious, delicious chocolate!"- said Sharpclaw grinning maniatically while jumping.

Suddendly, the effect of the chocolate passed and everyone returned to normality.

"What am I doing in the top of a three?!"- asked Halpaw confused

"Why does I have a water gun?- said Sharpclaw.

"Where is my waffle?"- said Shadowhunter.

"Tweet!"- said a bird perched in a tree.

_**"Hush now everyone, or you will wake up the giant sleeping cat"**_

Everyone turned to the giant skeeping cat that was snoring loudly.

**"I WILL KILL YOU AUTHORESS!"**- hollered the random and not important cat that magically survived Shruikan.

"Be silent please, or you will die"- said Maud desesperatly.

**"I'M INMORTAL!"**- screamed the random and not important cat.

Suddendly, the giant sleeping cat woke up and saw that the one that wake her up was the random and not important cat. That is right, the giant sleeping cat is a "she". She standed up and crushed the cat with one of her paws and then she standed in two legs and started dancing on top of the random and not important cat while singing:

"I'm A Barbie Girl In The Barbie World

Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic

You Can Brush My Hair, Undress Me Everywhere

Imagination, Life Is Your Creation!"

_**"See! That is what I told you! FreakyTiger asked me at school to torture a cat and he was chosen!"**_

All the cats were looking at the scene in front of them.

_**"Well, I think that here is the end. Say goodbye to the readers again!"**_

"Goodbye!"- said all the cats and the authoress returned them to their books while moving her hands in a silly way, again.

**THE END!**

**Or is it?**

_**Do you liked it? Please review!**_

**Random and not important cat: When I recover I will kill you!**

_**I know but it was worth of it!**_


End file.
